-Mario defeats DK. [In their very first game and in later ones.]
-Mario defeats Bowser. [This one's a no-brainer.]
-Mario defeats Wario. [He did so quite often.]
-Mario is more known than Luigi. [Again, very intuitive.]
-Mario stomps Boo. [Like he does in Super Mario 64.]

-DK defeats Bowser. [He's a cousin of King K. Rool, so...]
-DK smacks Wario. [Wario ain't gettin' his bananas!]
-DK pities Luigi. [Really, Luigi looks pitiful to him.]
-DK isn't afraid of Boo. [He isn't afraid of anything!]
-DK accidentally squashes Toad. [He uses mushrooms as trampolines...]

-Bowser out-evils Wario. [Wario's no match for the Koopa King...]
-Bowser defeats Luigi. [Luigi is weaker than Mario and would lose.]
-Bowser out-evils Boo. [No contest...]
-Bowser kidnaps Toad. [Super Mario Bros.]
-Bowser kidnaps Peach. [Simple.]

-Wario punches Luigi. [In his lanky face.]
-Wario out-evils Boo. [Boo is generic, but Wario's unique!]
-Wario punches Toad. [And makes him cry.]
-Wario ignores Peach. [He knows no authority.]
-Wario hijacks Yoshi. [A mean bean, him.]

-Luigi vacuums up Boo. [Luigi's Mansion.]
-Luigi ignores Toad. [Toad mostly wants things from Mario anyway.]
-Luigi ignores Peach. [She's unimportant for him.]
-Luigi saddles Yoshi. [As always.]
-Luigi bicycle jumps over Gap. [He's Air Luigi after all.]

-Boo scares Peach. [She's easily scared.]
-Boo scares Toad. [Even more easily.]
-Boo confuses Yoshi. [And Yoshi's eggs hit himself instead.]
-Boo floats over Gap. [He's a ghost, after all.]
-Boo scares Waluigi. [What a scaredy-cat.]

-Toad protects Peach. [She owes him.]
-Toad ignores Yoshi. [What's that green thing?]
-Toad digs under Gap. [He's really good at digging, as witnessed in Super Mario Bros. 2]
-Toad scares Waluigi. [AHHH! A walking mushroom!]
-Toad annoys Mario. [To death. She's in another castle!!!!]

-Peach saddles Yoshi [As in Super Mario World.]
-Peach floats over Gap. [Super Mario Bros. 2.]
-Peach smacks Waluigi. [He made a rude joke.]
-Peach commands Mario. [So true.]
-Peach charms DK. [She looks better than Candy...]

-Yoshi flutter jumps over Gap. [He flutters up to 120 meters!]
-Yoshi gives Waluigi a deep, concerned look. [Because of Waluigi's weirdness.]
-Yoshi saved Mario's life. [So Mario has to give in.]
-Yoshi eggs DK's face. [For being in more games.]
-Yoshi defeats Bowser. [In 3 games.]

-Gap scares Waluigi. [Aaaaaah! Too deep!]
-Gap's too wide for Mario. [It's a very wide gap.]
-Gap's too wide for DK. [He never was the king of jumps.]
-Gap's too wide for Bowser. [Fatty can't jump.]
-Gap's too wide for Wario. [Another fatty.]

-Waluigi tricks and traps Mario. [Mario's gullible, admit it.]
-Waluigi tricks and traps DK. [And DK's even dumb.]
-Waluigi cheats against Bowser. [Like in Mario Party 3!]
-Waluigi laughs about Wario's size and weight. [Hahahahaha! Fat midget!]
-Waluigi is cooler than Luigi. [Absolutely.]

Mario RPS by Artemendo of Waluigious.
http://www.waluigious.com/